Hello Human Being.
Disappointment. It’s bound to happen. No matter how hard we might try to do right in every situation, we will inadvertently disappoint ourselves or a person we care about. Today I am sitting with the disappointment of missing two dear friends’ wedding. I had every intention of attending, but basically my brain shorted out, and messed up my plan. You see, when I received the invitation, a couple of months ago, I looked it over carefully, put it on the refrigerator, next to the save the date card that they had sent some months prior to that, and then quickly sent out my RSVP, accepting their invitation to their wedding in Columbus, OH.
Only wait. It’s not in Columbus, at all. It’s in Cleveland.
And I did not realize it until today when I was carefully typing in the address to get driving instructions.
The travel time shifted from 3 hours to 4 hours and 4o minutes each way. A seemingly do-able day trip, suddenly became an overnight trip, or a late drive back home that we simply could not afford, nor had we arranged for (we have four dogs). And did I mention we have a bad bearing that is threatening to break and send us spiraling toward a ditch on the Interstate of Doom?
And all these sudden barriers because every time I read “Cleveland” my brain interpreted “Columbus”.
Thanks a lot, brain. Good looking out.
I don’t know why this happened. I have had this experience before, of seeing a word plain as day, in front of me, but interpreting a different one. It’s never caused such an issue before. It’s usually something benign, like replacing “crackers” with “cookies”. But I am so damn disappointed in myself. And my greatest fear is that there is bound to be disappointment on the part of my friends, who made the same trip to come here when I got married in 2010. Simply put, I feel like an utter shit.
There isn’t anything I can do about it, aside from apologize to them profusely and possibly make a special trip to see them in the future. It’s just that, a wedding is a one time deal and I’m going to miss it, all because my brain pulled a fast one on me?
So I guess I want to leave this entry on a positive note, by trying to glean some kind of lesson from this situation. I am sitting here stewing at 1pm on the most beautiful day we’ve had so far this year, and I’m pouting about something I cannot change. And I’m trying to work through it and gain perspective. In order to do that I am finding myself leaning on the statement I made above.
Disappointment. It’s bound to happen. No matter how hard we might try to do right in every situation, we will inadvertently disappoint ourselves or a person we care about.
And sometimes we do both.
Knowing that today is just one of those days, those disappointing days, means I can recognize it and then let it go.Recognition is most often the first step for me in letting go of regret and thus, moving through my disappointment.
I find that I must fully accept the truth in things, otherwise I will let the same idea or thought pattern spin in my head obsessively, while I try and work it out. During this process I often feel rather stuck and immobile. It disrupts my fluidity. My ability to be. It affects my ability to engage fully in the present. But, the truth is always the conclusion of stagnancy. Conclusion because it stops the negative thought spiral and allows me to move into a more active (being) state.
In my personal situation today this meant, accepting that I messed up. It meant sending a message to them that I didn’t want to write. That part was a judgment call that was tough to make, but I just know how hectic the wedding day can be and I don’t want to taint it in any way with my apologies and possible tears by way of a phone call. Anyway, I sent my apology to them and now I am working on forgiving myself for something I didn’t mean to do.
And finally, I am channeling my “being”, by attempting to make the best of the day. I’ve been to the garden and pulled up weeds. I’ve raked leaves, and pruned plants. I’m planning a walk with my dogs later today and popping in on a friend whose birthday was this week. The least I can do is put myself to some positive use, as opposed to remaining stagnant in my wallowing. It’s ok to sit in regret, but not for too long, for to do that is to remain focused on the past. It does not allow for growth, progress or presence.
So, I’ll leave this entry with a question and a quote.
How do you move past disappointment?
Please leave a comment below.
Have a great day ya’ll. I know I will, because I should. It’s the least I can do, from here.
“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”
― Alexander Pope